Couples Relationship Counselling

Relationship conflicts get stuck in repeating confrontations where all arguments end in the same disconnection. The conflicts can be about any topic, but the frustration is the same. In couples counselling we work to re-focus towards rebuilding building trust and understanding. That can be hard to do on your own, especially if things have reached a breaking point.

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How Could Counselling Help?

 

It might not; let's be honest. Humans like you and me have a hard time changing our habits. Worse yet, in a relationship, we often believe that our partner is the one who should make changes. Still, if you are ready to take a chance on something new, amazing changes could take place.

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Individual Counselling for Relationships

 

Huge improvements can happen in a relationship by switching from old patterns to new. While expert knowledge and wisdom is already out there in books and podcasts, counselling helps with taking practical steps in putting that wisdom to use. Mostly, we work on two areas: 1) New skills and actions to communicate and connect, and 2) Ease the forces inside that react and get in the way of being closer to your partner. Usually, the second one is harder because we have so much history that keeps us from moving into something new. In counselling, we take time to unpack some of that inner world so you can control it, instead of it controlling you.

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What Happens in Couples Counselling?

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Most couples are looking for better communication, and I will help you practice the best-known strategies for communicating effectively. Also, many couples have built up some hard feelings, maybe resentment or mistrust. For that, we need to slow down and carefully uncover thoughts and feelings that are not being spoken or understood right now. That might seem frightening at first, so we take that slow.

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Overall, here are the top goals for counselling sessions: 

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• Improve communication skills for better speaking and understanding on both sides

• Practice communication in sessions

• Enhance friendship

• Get beyond the details of daily arguments to the hopes and needs beneath

• Learn how to rebuild trust after a betrayal

• Practice responding to each other's deeper needs

• Build skills for repairing after "heat of the moment" conflicts

• Create shared meaning

• Accept each other's differences and build common ground

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Couples Counselling Approaches

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For our in-person counselling sessions in Vernon or Armstrong, our activities will be based on two of the most effective couples counselling methods.

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Gottman Method Couples Counselling

The Gottman Institute is famous for publishing books, training therapists and couples events. Gottman Method Therapy focuses on modifying conflict, enhancing friendship and building shared meaning so couples can overcome daily problems and enjoy being together. If there has been betrayal between partners, rebuilding trust is a primary focus. Communication skills, both listening and speaking, help couples to achieve better understanding and acceptance of each other. 

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Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy

Sometimes communication skills are just not enough. When hurt feelings on both sides lurk in the background of couple discussions, we need to dig deeper. Emotionally Focused Therapy applies attachment theory to help couples build a more secure emotional bond by breaking negative cycles and accessing deeper emotional needs. All that might sound excessively emotional I know. When we talk more I can show you how it works, even for men who take pride in being practical and logical.